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"Who am I? Why am I here?"

  All my life, I have had a few journalistic bones in my body. In grade school, I wrote for a short-lived "school newspaper," which was literally printed out on 8.5"x11". I vaguely recall polling the first-through-fourth graders on their favorite TV show, and I vaguely recall Pokemon winning in a landslide.

   In high school, I wrote columns on-and-off for the school paper. I profiled school drama productions and wrote CD reviews, basically just biding my time between unsuccessful first dates. I had no intentions of pursuing a journalistic career, I just knew that I loved music, loved sports, loved television, and loved writing about all three.

   When I got to college, I spent one year hating myself for choosing a school that I so openly loathed. The next year, I decided to distract myself by taking an active role in the school's newspaper, The Crown. As an entertainment editor, I continued with my CD reviews, but added profiles of TV shows, movie reviews, and even an editorial about my love for "A Charlie Brown Christmas." It was the most fun I had in college up to that point.

   Towards the end of the year, an opportunity came up to write an editorial. One week before, an article on our front page asked the pertinent question: "Is King's College a Suitcase School?" This article caused quite a debate on campus, which was something our newspaper NEVER seemed to do. Sensing a chance to share my view on the issue, and knowing I was transferring (therefore not caring about any feelings I might hurt), I editorialized that yes, King's College was a suitcase school. It was a boring place that was only enjoyable if you drank yourself into oblivion every night, which, admittedly, a lot of people do in college. Nevertheless, I felt the need to share what I felt about it.

  And then the shitstorm started. People in the admissions office were incensed at the editorial, letting me and my editors know that such articles would probably give prospective students second thoughts about attending the school. These people ignored, or just missed, the main point of my editorial: King's could use some stuff to do on the weekends other than giving oneself liver poisoning. My editorial even offered suggestions, like discounted tickets to minor league hockey games, ice skating, local restaurants, and skiing/outdoor activities. 

   Luckily, in our next week's issue, a faculty member came to my defense, writing an editorial about my editorial, saying that it contained good ideas and even had a whiff of JFK's "Ask not what your country can do for you..." speech to it. Little did they know I was about to hightail the fuck outta King's, but whatever, it stayed with me. It let me know that hey, you may not like or even care about my opinions, but gosh darn it, they're valid. And there's a lot of people who probably agree with me, too. Most importantly, my words started a debate and got people talking. As a writer, that's the highest compliment you can receive.

   When I transferred to my new school later that year, I bee-lined for the school paper, The Quadrangle. Yes, The Quadrangle. Much to my delight, I was given an assignment for the year's first issue: profile this hip new video-streaming website...something called YouTube. And profile YouTube I did, with my usual brand of irreverent wordplay, obscure pop culture references, and unprompted insults (I remember stating that YouTube was essentially America's Funniest Home Videos without Bob Saget ruining the experience).

   My editors must not have been impressed, because when the story ran in the paper, all of my quirkiness was swallowed by the "backspace" button. It had been transformed into a bland, workman-like article. I read it and thought, "Nobody wants to read something this boring." It was clear I was obviously not going to be able to get away with the dumb crap I could get away with at The Crown. 

   Luckily around that time, Facebook started letting people post status updates. Originally, the prompt asked, "What are you up to?" which was entirely innocent and not at all stalker-ish or creepy. I had a feeling nobody really cared what cereal I was eating for breakfast (probably). I decided to use the status update as a way to comment on whatever crap was happening in the world that day, providing my own warped spin on it, just for laughs. Sometimes I'd be insightful. Sometimes I'd be political, and other times I'd just complain about the Phillies. Eventually, Facebook changed the prompt to "What's on your mind?" which made much more sense. That's how I was already using the status updates, anyway.

   Things change, of course. Facebook has become overrun with people (hint: older people) who post something useless every 10 minutes. Oh my god, you just bought three goats in Farmville!?!?!? I slowly realized that my status updates, rants, musings, jokes, and general weirdness was probably having the same effect on a lot of people, no matter how many "likes" or comments I received.

    Which leads us to here, and this blog. This will allow me to do a few things:

1) Clear up your Facebook feed. When your great aunt's third cousin listens to the entire Englebert Humpnerdinck catalog on Spotify, you'll now be able to access that information in a much more timely fashion.

2) Complete thoughts that are too long, rambling, or complex for the tiny box that is a Facebook status update.
3) Facilitate a more thorough exchange of thoughts and ideas than a Facebook comment box.

4) Illustrate that I have no idea what I'm talking about with absolutely anything, but that's ok because it's a blog! Anything goes as long as it doesn't put me in jeopardy of losing my job, right?

So this blog will be a mix of my newspaper column style, status updates, and views on whatever and whomever, whenever. Hopefully you'll be along for the ride. I hope I can make you laugh, or make you see something differently. If not, then you can go back to your Facebook feed without interruption.

Welcome!